Understanding Dissociation with Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Polyvagal Theory

There’s a part of you that knows exactly when to step back.
It’s that familiar sensation of floating just outside your body, watching life unfold from a safe distance, as though you have slipped behind an invisible pane of glass. The world feels muted, voices sound far away, and emotions lose their edge. In an instant, you are somewhere else entirely.

Your body stays in the chair, your feet still touching the ground, but a vital part of you has retreated to a safer place.

In Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), this is often understood as a protective part. One that steps in when the world feels too loud, too close, or too much. From an IFS perspective, dissociation is not a sign of weakness or failure. It’s a carefully crafted survival strategy, created by your system to protect you from pain, overwhelm, or danger when there were no other options.

Sometimes called depersonalisation or derealisation, this state is your nervous system’s way of saying, “If we can’t leave the situation, we’ll find another way to keep you safe.” Neuroscience shows that during dissociation, areas of the brain linked to emotional processing and self-awareness go quiet, while your threat detection system stays alert, a pattern that makes perfect sense if you have lived through trauma.

Through the lens of IFS therapy for trauma and dissociation, we can begin to meet this part with curiosity:

• When did it first learn to step in?

• What is it protecting you from right now?

• What does it need to feel safe, supported, and understood?

IFS and Polyvagal Theory

Dr. Stephen Porges, the creator of Polyvagal Theory, calls this response dorsal vagal shutdown. Your nervous system’s way of saying, “If we can’t escape this situation, we’ll escape ourselves.” This is your parasympathetic nervous system engaging what Porges describes as the most ancient survival mechanism we possess.

Think of it as your body’s most sophisticated defence. If you can’t physically leave a dangerous or overwhelming situation, your consciousness will find another way. Your heart rate drops, your breathing slows, and a vital part of you, the one that holds your calm, connected Self steps back to a safe distance.

In these moments, your dorsal vagal system is literally protecting your life by creating what researchers sometimes call functional disconnection. Your body remains in the room, but your psyche takes refuge somewhere else.

Through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, dissociation is not a flaw or a disorder to be eliminated; it’s a protective part doing crucial work. This part learned to create space between your core Self and experiences that were too painful, terrifying, or overwhelming to process in the moment.

This protective part often carries enormous burdens. It may hold memories too intense for your conscious mind to revisit. It may guard younger, more vulnerable exiled parts of you that experienced deep fear, abandonment, or harm. It has been keeping watch for years, ensuring those tender parts never face the same danger again.

In IFS therapy for dissociation, we don’t try to push this part aside or demand that it “stop dissociating.” Instead, we meet it with curiosity and respect. We explore questions like:

• What is this part protecting me from?

• When did it first step in?

• What does it want me to understand?

Neuroscience supports this compassionate perspective. Brain imaging shows that during dissociation, areas responsible for self-awareness and emotional processing become quiet, while threat-detection systems remain highly active. Your brain and body are doing exactly what they were designed to do under extreme stress prioritising survival over presence.

By combining Polyvagal Theory with the IFS model, we can understand dissociation as both a biological reflex and a parts-led survival strategy. This opens the door to working gently with the protective part, building enough safety and trust for it to soften its grip, so you can stay more present without losing the sense of safety it has worked so hard to provide.

Grounding in IFS Therapy

True grounding isn’t about yanking yourself back into painful presence; that’s just more violence against a system working hard to be kind to you. In Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), we see grounding as a way of softly inviting your parts and nervous system back to the present moment, without pressure or force.

Here are some trauma-informed grounding techniques you can explore:

Physical Anchoring

• The 5-4-3-2-1 technique – Notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.

• Weighted comfort – Use a heavy blanket, weighted stuffed animal, or warm, damp towel for soothing pressure.

• Temperature shifts – Hold ice cubes, run cold water over your wrists, or cradle a warm cup of tea.

• Texture exploration – Carry a smooth stone, piece of velvet, or stress ball to connect with tactile sensation.

Sensory Connection

• Scent anchors – Keep peppermint, lavender, or a familiar scent nearby to help you feel present.

• Sound grounding – Play music with clear lyrics, nature sounds, or hum to yourself.

• Movement invitations – Try gentle stretching, wiggling your fingers and toes, or slowly rolling your shoulders.

Mindful Presence Practices

• Feet on the floor – Even if you feel far away, notice the sensation of your feet making contact with the ground.

• Breath awareness – Simply observe your breathing without changing it.

• Body check-ins – Slowly scan from head to toe, greeting each part of you without needing to change anything.

Building Safety to Stay Present – An IFS Approach

In Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), the goal isn’t to eliminate your protective parts, especially the part that dissociates. Instead, it’s about creating enough internal safety so that staying present becomes an option, not a demand.

This process often includes:

• Consistent self-compassion – Speaking to yourself with the same warmth and patience you’d offer someone you love.

• Honouring your protective parts – Recognising that dissociation served a life-saving purpose, and thanking it for its dedication and service.

• Co-regulation – Connecting with safe people, animals, or comforting environments that help your nervous system remember what safety feels like.

• Trauma-informed therapy – Working with a therapist who understands that symptoms are not character flaws, but adaptive responses your system created to survive.

A Message to Your Protective Part

If you could speak directly to the part of you that dissociates, you might say:

"Thank you for taking me somewhere safe when nowhere felt safe. Thank you for creating distance when closeness felt dangerous. You did your job beautifully, and you don’t have to carry this alone anymore. When you’re ready, we can learn to be present together. You are not being fired , you are finally being seen, understood, and supported."

The Journey Back to Now – IFS Therapy for Dissociation

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, healing isn’t about eliminating your protective responses; it’s about creating choice and possibility. As your dissociative part begins to trust that you can handle difficult moments, it often eases its grip naturally.

This happens when we:

• Build distress tolerance gradually and gently

• Create safe relationships where every part of you is welcome

• Develop Self-leadership that calm, connected presence within you that can hold space for all your parts

• Learn co-regulation skills to help you stay present with the support of others

Your Dissociative Part as an Ally

Remember: you survived something that required this level of protection. The same intelligence and strength that created this dissociative response can now help you find new ways to navigate difficulty while staying more connected to your life.

Your protective parts aren’t obstacles to overcome. They are allies waiting to be understood. When we meet them with curiosity instead of criticism, and gratitude instead of judgment, their vigilance often softens. This creates space for more presence, connection, and aliveness.

You Are Not Broken

You are a survivor with a nervous system that worked tirelessly to keep you here. With patience, compassion, and the support of IFS therapy for dissociation and trauma, you can learn to be more fully present. Not in spite of your protective parts, but alongside them, with their skills, wisdom, and loyalty intact.

If you’re seeking a safe, non-pathologising approach to dissociation, Let’s Work On That offers IFS therapy in Melbourne and online across Australia. Together, we can help your protective parts feel supported so you can experience more moments of grounded presence.

References

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